


Don’t Leave Me This Way

by blakesparkles



Series: Lonely, But Not When You Hold Me [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: After the event of August 3rd, Angst, Anxiety, Dry Humping, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Feelings, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I've been emotionally compromised with these boys, M/M, Misunderstandings, Non-Consensual Touching, Possessive Behavior, Self-Doubt, Sexual Content, Touch-Starved, Vulnerability, so many feels, started as a drabble and an experience but now i have this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 14:56:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11923296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakesparkles/pseuds/blakesparkles
Summary: Jack stares at him, thinking that they’re like a mirror versions. The only difference is that Anti seems to carry an always-present scowl on his face, and sometimes that makes the human want to soothe it away.





	Don’t Leave Me This Way

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kinkshamer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkshamer/gifts).



> you know what? i'm not even guilty anymore! enjoy hahaha ♥ | Edited by my amazing friend, [MargaretKire.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MargaretKire/pseuds/MargaretKire)  
> 

Jack sighs and holds back the urge to roll his eyes when he hears Anti groaning from across the couch. The other man crosses his arms and glares at the tv that shows Jack’s video game on screen and the human pauses a match to look at the obviously angry creature. The static noise that always follows him is louder than usual and he’s flickering in and out of reality. Jack looks down at his neck, noticing that his scar is opening due his temper.

 

“What happened this time?” Jack murmurs and Anti grinds his teeth, turning his face away from the human in a childish manner.

 

_“Nothing.”_

 

The Irishman doesn’t flinch at the harsh static voice, feeling used to it by now. Instead, he sighs once more and points at the man’s neck. “You’re bleeding again,” he replies. Anti knits his eyebrows further and a thin line of red starts streaming down his neck. “Look, I don’t want blood on my couch again.” When Anti remains quiet, Jack scowls. “Fine! I’ll get something from Henrik, since you won’t do anything about it.”

 

Anti huffs angrily when Jack tells him to stay there, murmuring something the green-haired man can’t quite hear. The Irishman walks down the hallway of the house and knocks on one of the doors, hearing Henrik’s voice in response. The doctor tells him to come in and Jack smiles when he sees that Chase is also there. Since Henrik saved the man, they have grown very attached to each other. The Irishman mentions Anti’s wound and the doctor purses his lips.

 

“Is it bleeding again?”

 

“Yeah, a little.”

 

Henrik gets up from the bed to open his supply closet, looking for the things that Jack will need. When the Irishman asks if they know what happened, Chase shrugs and Henrik shakes his head. The green-haired man knows that they’re still not comfortable with being around Anti, so Jack doesn’t press the matter and just accepts the clean gauze, bandages and ointment. When he comes back into the living room, the creature is still scowling but Jack is glad that he’s not glitching as much as before.

 

The Irishman sits on the couch facing the other and tells Anti to do the same. There’s a small sense of victory when there’s no complaints about the request and Jack keeps that feeling for himself. He tells the creature to raise his chin up and the green-haired man begins to clean the cut with care. Anti is uncharacteristically quiet and there’s only the humming noise coming from him. Jack looks at the gauze that is now stained and he frowns lightly.

 

“What?” Anti finally speaks and Jack looks at him.

 

“I… It’s just…” He touches the dirty fabric. “It always amazes me that you really do bleed. This is actual blood...”

 

“So what? You don’t believe I’m real?”

 

Jack stares at him, thinking that they’re like a mirror versions. The only difference is that Anti seems to carry an always-present scowl on his face, and sometimes that makes the human want to soothe it away. He chews his lips and uncaps the ointment to apply to Anti’s neck, feeling the burning gaze coming from the creature.

 

“Well, I can touch you… You ain’t a ghost, that I can say,” he chuckles. Anti looks offended, but Jack ignores it. “But like… You can _possess_ me. You _literally_ stay in the computer sometimes to rest or be alone. I still don’t understand that.” He wraps a bandage over the cut, letting the silence fall between them. “There.”

 

The glitching stops and the man touches his neck, feeling the soft material there. From this short distance, Jack can see Anti’s dark circles under his eyes and his shoulders are hunched down. He has hollow cheeks and his lips are dry. Anti looks exhausted. The Irishman opens his mouth to ask what happened again, but the other man interrupts him before saying anything. This time, the creature’s voice is lower, less shaky than before. Just a hint of anger and something else Jack can’t pinpoint.

 

“They _despise_ me.”

 

“Who?”

 

_“Them!”_ He snaps his head towards the hallway, where all the others rest in their rooms. Jack sighs. “They cannot stand my presence and they ignore me whenever I speak. It’s disrespectful.”

 

“You sound like a child...” Anti makes an inhuman sound out of rage, hissing at Jack, and his eyes turn black for a split second. The Irishman purses his lips, unphased. “You know what you’ve done. It’s your own damn fault.”

 

Anti turns his face away with a huff and Jack can’t hold back the small smile that shows on his face. The creature looks so frustrated over not getting attention, it’s amusing.

 

“Have you tried talking to Marvin?” Jack asks.

 

“That brat makes cards fly towards my face and that other red boy is irritating as fuck.”

 

“Alright, alright…” the Irishman murmurs while getting up to throw the gauze away. When he comes back, he sits properly on the couch and stares at his frozen screen. He hums. “Wanna play a video game?”

 

The question seems to throw Anti, making him frown and flicker oddly. There’s a long silence and Jack waits patiently. The creature touches his neck again before whispering a reply.

 

“No,” he says. “I’d rather just watch…”

 

The green-haired man nods and takes his controler from the coffee table to start playing once more. They both stay quiet, Jack occasionally grunting or swearing whenever something goes wrong in the game while Anti just observes. The static humming from him is a soft wave now and, for once, they seem to be comfortable, and not screaming in each other’s faces like other times.

 

After a couple of hours, they hear a door creaking open followed by muffled words. Jack sees Chase coming down the hallway with Henrik and Marvin, and they all stop in their tracks when seeing Anti. The Irishman stops the game when there’s an uneasy exchange of looks between them and he clears his throat. Chase is the first to break the silence, saying they will make dinner and that tonight is Jack’s turn to wash the dishes. He nods and nudges Anti with his elbow when the creature starts growling.

 

“I hope you know that you’re fucking lucky that I still try to help you,” Jack whispers when the others leave for the kitchen.

 

“I don’t fucking need you.”

 

“Says the guy that needs my energy.”

 

Anti grinds his teeth and flickers out of existence, the warping sound of reality hurting Jack’s ears briefly. He pinches the bridge of his nose and decides to set the table for everyone when Jackieboy Man arrives from a short mission. It doesn’t take too long for all of them to sit down at the round table and start eating, laughter filling the room while they talk between bites. Jack half eats, half watches them with a soft smile. He stares at the empty chair across the table, letting a sigh escape his lips that thankfully goes unheard over the chatter.

 

Marvin ends up helping Jack with the dishes, using spells to dry the plates. Once everyone is full, they all retreat back to their rooms, Chase with Henrik and Jackie with Marvin. Anti is the only one that doesn’t have or share a bedroom, Jack has never seen the creature sleep. The glitch being doesn’t care about that, but the green-haired man is beginning to think that he should due to the dark circles under his eyes. Jack shakes his head, deciding to brush his teeth and lie down in bed to sleep.

 

The Irishman gasps in the middle of night, raising his arms in the air in sudden fright and he can feel the hairs of his body raising up due to the static in the room. The air is heavy and it feels like he’s being shocked lightly whenever he moves. He curses out loud and looks around only to see what appears to be Anti glitching _everywhere._ Jack’s eyes widen at the convulsing creature, wailing and groaning through his teeth. It’s hard to focus on him because the being keeps moving to corners in a blink of an eye, reality bending around him.

 

Jack breathes heavily, not knowing what to do. Henrik was the one that always dealt with his crises, but after what happened…

 

“I... W-What…” he whispers, still a little groggy from sleep.

 

The being pays him no mind, only holds his head as if trying to keep himself together and there are desperate, _painful,_ sounds coming from him. Jack is shocked to hear the man choke on tears and it’s somewhat uncomfortable knowing that Anti is crying. It feels like the Irishman is prying, seeing something he’s not suppose to. He swallows, trying to calm his beating heart, and moves to leave the bed very slowly. The green-haired man shivers when Anti’s black eyes flash right in front of him for a brief second before going back to the corner.

 

“A-Anti…” Jack raises his arms to show he means no harm. “I need… I need you to calm down…”

 

“░░░░░░“

 

The sound coming from Anti’s lips is distorted and Jack flinches at the high pitched scream after that. The Irishman is shaking, slowly making his way towards the end of the room where he thinks Anti’s true form is crouched down. Jack feels like he’s seeing everything in rewind and it looks like it physically pains the creature to say actual words, his voice deeper than Jack’s ever heard.

 

“S-Stay… away from m-me!” He groans when the Irishman keeps walking. “Stay _away!_ ”

 

The human gets down on Anti’s level and extends a shaky hand towards the being, only to feel electricity run through his body. He gasps, ignoring Anti’s many threats, doing it again. Jack knits his eyebrows, trying to get used to the odd feeling and approaching him more. It’s hard to take his eyes away from the man’s tears. Jack leans forward as fast as he can so Anti won’t stop him and then, he’s wrapping his arms around the creature. Immediately, Anti’s grunting ceases and his whole body freezes under Jack’s hug.

 

The green-haired man shudders from the static and he feels goosebumps. Anti continues to flicker for a long time and Jack’s aware of the bandage soaking in blood, but he won’t move until the being feels better. He has no fucking idea if this will help or if it’ll only make Anti want to kill the Irishman for touching him, but it’s all he has in his foggy mind. Jack tightens his grip and moves his face to rest over the man’s shoulder, feeling the cold floor beneath them.

 

It feels like hours have passed when the glitches lessen and Anti’s figure looks whole, solid. Jack yawns and buries his face on the crook of the being’s neck, feeling tired. The creature’s still tense, not daring to move an inch and growling under his breath. Honestly, the Irishman is too fucking sleepy now to care about that. Jack fights to keep his eyes open, but the sandpaper feeling under his lids makes things difficult.

 

The green-haired man thinks that arms wrap around him before his body goes slack, and he falls asleep.

  


***

  


Jack wakes up feeling cold and he groans, his neck stiff from the position he’s in. The human is lying against the wall, still on his bedroom floor, and there’s no sign of Anti anywhere. Jack swears, thinking that the being could’ve at least put him in bed or something, not just left him there in the corner. Although, he is content with just being alive.

 

He gets up, stretching his back, and goes to the bathroom to empty his bladder. Jack feels better after washing his face and brushing his teeth, and he opens the door to leave the bedroom. The smell of fresh coffee makes him hum and he murmurs good morning to everyone already eating breakfast at the table. Henrik made the blueberry pancakes and Jackieboy, the coffee.

 

There’s still no sign of Anti and Jack sighs into his coffee mug, leaning on the counter and rubbing his tired eyes. The creature’s devastated face from last night comes to his mind and there’s worry in his heart. He’s certain that even Henrik hasn’t seen such a strong breakdown coming from Anti, where even the room shifts and the atmosphere bends to his will. It felt like two realities were ripping apart and the creature didn’t know where to stay. He was _crying_ , for fuck sakes. Crying.

 

Jack frowns when everyone stops talking and he raises his head to see Anti standing in the kitchen doorway, looking out of place while the others look at him as if a bomb is about to explode. Jack feels a spark run through his body and he holds his breath when Anti locks their gaze. The glitch being has a deadpan expression on his face, but the Irishman is glad to see him somewhat stable and present. Jack can’t help but huff in relief when he sits at the table. Once again, Chase breaks the silent and they all slowly begin to talk again.

 

The green-haired man sits across from Anti, pointing at the pancakes with his chin as an offer. The creature purses his lips, glaring at the food and then shaking his head lightly. Jack eats and talks a bit with Marvin and Henrik until they all leave. Anti remains in his chair when the Irishman gets up to wash the plates and mugs, trying to act nonchalant about last night. Maybe they’ll pretend it never happened. Maybe he shouldn’t mention anything.

 

He jumps in surprise when Anti shows up next to him and the plate slips through his fingers, hitting the bottom of the sink. Jack sighs in relief when it doesn’t break and he sends a glare towards the other man, who seems unphased by what he did. The Irishman tries to stay quiet and just focus on his task, he _really_ does. But Anti keeps staring at him without blinking and Jack’s starting to feel jittery.

 

“You could’ve at least thrown a blanket over me…” Jack mutters and glances at Anti, noticing that he removed the bloody bandage. The green-haired man moves his hand up to the bright pink scar without thinking, dripping water over the creature’s shirt. “Did you take care of that on your own?”

 

Jack drops his hand quickly after realizing what he did and hoping that the glitch being doesn’t throw a tantrum about being touched. Anti blinks and hovers his own fingers over the scar, frowning a little. He nods and looks down at the floor. Jack finishes washing the last mug and dries his hands before turning his body towards the creature. The man with a darker shade of green hair seems even more exhausted and his bottom lip is chapped, dry blood painting his mouth.

 

“Anti,” he whispers. “You scared the shit out of me last night… I’m really worried about you. What’s going on?”

 

The creature giggles sharply, shaking his shoulders, and Jack’s thrown back by the sudden change of humor.

 

“Aw, little Jack is worried about me! How thoughtful!” he sings, and then his voice lowers, spitting his words. “Listen here, you piece of shit! _Nothing_ happened last night and no one is gonna do anything about it because they don’t care, no one cares. So shut your _fucking_ mouth.”

 

“Jesus, you’re an asshole!” Jack grinds his teeth. “I’m actually trying, here! Don’t be such a dick!”

 

“Fuck you,” Anti scoffs.

 

“Fuck _you!_ ” The Irishman pushes the creature on the chest with his hands, feeling stupid for caring about him. “After everything you’ve done, I’m still here, wanting to figure you out, giving you some place to be, fucking _defending_ you when you need it!”

 

He pushes Anti again and the creature growls, but otherwise stays quiet. The others probably heard the sudden rushed words that are quickly becoming screams and they all stand in front of the kitchen, looking at Jack and Anti. The Irishman groans, turning his hands into fists. If there’s something, _someone,_ that can really make him angry is Anti.

 

“I’m not asking you for any of that! I can take care myself!”

 

“Oh, really? Can you?!” Jack shouts and the creature glitches. “Then next time someone has a new idea of how to get rid of you, I won’t change their fucking minds and they’ll do whatever they fucking want! How about that?!”

 

The Irishman takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. He can see Henrik pursing his lips and Jackieboy whistling in the background while Anti knits his eyebrows, trying to understand what Jack said. The green-haired man exhales, flaring his nostrils and foreseeing a headache. He wasn’t suppose to bring that up.

 

Jack turns away from Anti and moves past the others to leave the kitchen, murmuring that he will be in his room. He shouldn’t have felt so riled up about the creature’s rude behavior, it’s not a surprise. Perhaps seeing Anti so vulnerable last night, so open, crying while he was being held, made Jack feel somewhat protective. There’s a small feeling of pride and content knowing that he calmed the man down, that he took care of him when needed. Anti’s denial and mocking words were like a slap in the face. Like he is silly for feeling all of that.

 

The rest of the morning consists in Jack sulking, getting distracted with his computer and playing video games. Marvin knocks on his door at lunchtime to give him food and the Irishman sighs when he feels the man’s magic hovering over him, soothing him. Jack makes an _Oh_ sound when Marvin tells him that Anti disappeared, so he won’t have to worry about “hiding.” The green-haired man huffs, but thanks his friend.

 

Jack keeps seeing the glitching man in his head, looking desperate and lost. It only makes him feel more worried when Anti doesn’t show up for the whole day. He tells himself that it’s alright and that the creature doesn’t deserve the care and attention. Jack huffs, browsing on the internet with a scowl and leaning against the bedframe. There’s a split second when his screen turns black, taking him away from his thoughts, and then a notepad shows up. His heart beats a little faster when he realizes that Anti is watching. He holds back a groan and decides to type something.

 

_get off my computer_

 

**_no_ **

 

_what do you want anti?_

 

There’s a long pause where Jack fidgets with his fingers, waiting for a reply. His blue eyes look up again when he sees letters being typed in.

 

**_was that true?_ **

 

_yeah…_

 

**_who?_ **

 

_i ain’t a snitch_

 

**_how then?_ **

 

_drugs, though they didn’t know if it’d work_

 

_please don’t kill anyone again_

 

_i can’t handle it_

 

**_fine_ **

 

Jack purses his lips at Anti’s answer, having no choice but to trust him. He sighs and rubs his forehead, feeling tired. When the green-haired man asks if he can talk out loud instead and Anti agrees, Jack moves to lie down properly with his computer next to his head so he can still see the texts. The anger he felt before is gone and, right now, the Irishman has sorrow in his heart. Jack wishes that no one would want to kill each other and just live in peace. He also doesn’t want Anti to feel more broken than he is.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jack whispers. When the glitch creature questions him, the green-haired man just shakes his head and looks at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes. “I don’t know… I’m just… I’m just really sorry. For what you’ve had to go through, I guess. For all the rage inside you… It must be painful.”

 

Jack doesn’t see an answer in the notepad and he’s not surprised. Instead, he keeps looking at the white ceiling, trying to imagine how it feels to be the creature. The Irishman blinks and he sees Anti above him. Jack raises his hand, a little hesitant, and it hangs in the air between them until the glitch being gives a short nod to continue. His fingers touch Anti’s face lightly and the green-haired man lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. It’s funny, in a way, to touch someone that looks exactly like him. But when Jack looks at Anti, he’s certain that the creature is his own individual. They are the same, but also so different.

 

The Irishman raises his other hand and caresses the back of Anti’s hair, rubbing his thumbs under the man’s eyes. The rumbling sound that follows the creature becomes more like a purring and it makes Jack smile a little. Anti seems to be holding back, not wanting to show he’s liking the attention. The being sends a look that makes Jack’s heart ache, noticing that he’s trying to apologize. The human nods, both of them not saying a word out loud, and Anti buries his face on the crook of Jack’s neck.

 

The human huffs with the new weight above him, but he wraps his arm around the man’s waist while the other still caresses his hair. Anti sighs and they stay like that for a long time, chests moving up and down with their breathing. Jack closes his eyes and hums. Anti starts fidgeting a moment later, rubbing his face on the Irishman’s neck. The human lets out a giggle, Anti’s beard making him feel ticklish. He tells Anti to stop, but he doesn’t. Jack’s face scrunches up in more giggles but when he feels a wet tongue licking his neck, the green-haired man half gasps, half moans.

 

“D-Don’t do that,” he breathes while shoving Anti, but the man doesn’t budge.

 

“Why?” the glitch being murmurs into his ear and places his hands on Jack’s hips.

 

“It’s… it’s w-”

 

“Wrong? Weird?” Anti chuckles. “What do you think Chase and Henrik have been doing all along? Please… No one is innocent here.”

 

Anti purrs and plants an open-mouthed kiss on the Irishman’s neck, making him gasp. Jack’s brain must stop for a second, because he can’t bring himself to think straight. The green-haired man bites his lips when Anti thrusts against him and grabs his hair to expose more of his skin. Jack can feel himself getting turned on and he curses out loud, burying his fingers in the back of Anti’s shirt while moving his hips as well. Their breathing becomes faster and shorter as they continue to thrust for friction, the grip on his hair tighter than before. It feels like Jack’s mind is covered in a fog and he looks up at the ceiling, panting while Anti gives him love bites.

 

He groans when the knot below his stomach grows and his toes curl in the bed. This feels _so_ good, but also _so_ fucked up. Jack mumbles for Anti to stop, but it’s barely a whisper and he doesn’t know if he means it. The creature’s noises get louder and he starts pressing down hard against Jack’s erection, making him whine. It’s Anti that comes first, grunting between his release and then watching the man beneath him. He huffs and unzips Jack’s pants so he can jerk him off. The Irishman squeaks and holds Anti by his shoulders, as if he’s trying to push him away.

 

“A-Ah, fuck!” Jack pants. “F-Fuck.”

 

The green-haired man arches his back when he comes and the creature’s fingers tighten their grip around his cock, still pumping him. Jack moans and his body convulses, feeling his orgasm hit him. Anti’s eyes turn black and there’s a grin that matches his face. The Irishman takes the man’s hand off him and tries to recover his breathing. Jack knits his eyebrows after a couple of minutes, thinking clearer, and he glares at Anti, who’s still smiling down at him.

 

“The fuck was t-that?!”

 

The creature rolls his eyes that are back to normal and he zips Jack’s pants. “You were stressed.”

 

“I… “ the human whispers. “I told you to stop…”

 

“You didn’t want me to, though.” Anti leans forward until their noses brush. “Did you?”

 

Jack swallows, feeling somewhat panicked now that he’s come down from his ecstasy. He must look really frightened, because the glitch being draws back a bit to give him some space. They’re still so close though, Jack can see the faint freckles on Anti’s cheeks. He opens his mouth to answer but closes it again, eyes locked with the man’s. The creature scowls, losing his patience, and the Irishman shakes his head.

 

“Please, don’t do this again…” he mutters. “Don’t touch me again… _Please._ ”

 

The slight contentment that he saw on Anti’s face disappears, smile slipping away, and his expression turns cold once more. Jack doesn’t like that at all. When Anti finally nods, the green-haired man gently starts getting up and finally pushes him away. The Irishman’s vision swims when he gets up and he holds his stomach while going into the bathroom, wanting to clean himself. Jack doesn’t look back to see Anti’s reaction, but the being is gone when the human returns.

  


***

  


“Are you okay?”

 

Jack stops biting his nails and looks up to see Chase frowning at him, video game paused on the screen. He’s been trying to distract himself by watching his friend play a match, but all he can do lately is space out. Anti’s been gone for two days now and Jack has goddamn hickies on his neck. He had to buy concealer from a local store to cover the marks there, otherwise everyone would start asking about it and he wouldn’t know what to say. _I had a hot-session with the Glitch where we were dry-humping like horny bunnies, that’s all._ For fuck’s sakes.

 

The green-haired man had a panic attack early this morning, legs so weak he fell on the tile floor of the bathroom. Jack’s feelings are all messed up. This is _all_ messed up. He can’t believe he got so intimate on that level with one of them. With _Anti._ With someone that looks like _him._ Jack doesn’t know if he should consider that as masturbation or actual sex. The Irishman tries to tell himself that he was nothing but needy, that he was craving contact for a long time, that Anti happened to ease his tension and that’s it. God, he can hear the creature laughing at him because of these thoughts.

 

“I’m fine,” Jack murmurs and pulls his legs up on the couch to hug them.

 

“You’re full of shit,” Chase snorts. “Dude, I know you. We all know you.”

 

“Well, I don’t wanna talk about it then.”

 

The Irishman starts biting on his nails again when Chase huffs but proceeds to play the game. Was what Anti said to him true? He glances at Chase, thinking how close he is with Henrik. The boy will linger where the doctor is, tugging on his lab coat, and the other will pull his hat in a playful manner. Henrik only lets Chase touch his glasses and Jack replays in his mind how they will look at each other, eyes twinkling whenever they meet. The Irishman’s eyes widen with the sudden realization, feeling incredible blind.

 

“You’re with Henrik,” he whispers.

 

“What?!” Chase screams and pauses the game once more so he can stare at Jack. “What makes you think that?!”

 

Jack snorts, but then notices how scared the man suddenly looks. Much like the Irishman’s face when Anti was above him. “Chasey, relax. I’m just… curious,” he sighs. “Confused.”

 

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about it.”

 

“Shut up. Humor me.”

 

“Okay…” He moves closer to Jack and his tone of voice is low, just for them to hear. The man clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck. “There’s not much to say, really. We just… We’ve been through a lot of shit, and I don’t know, we just connected in one more way. Henrik is nice to me and he said I’m nice to him too. We weren’t planning on letting you guys know so soon, though. It’s a lot to take in.”

 

Jack’s lips part in deep thought. “But… isn’t it odd?”

 

“Oh hell yeah, are you kidding me?” Chase says. “At first it was really uneasy, and Henrik still keeps asking me from time to time how I’m doing. We _both_ make sure we are not going crazy. But I mean… It’s not like we’re brothers, Jack. We were born because of you, yeah, but we’re something that labels can’t quite make sense of. Henrik made me realize that. We’ve got different personalities and shit like that. We just happen to have the same face.”

 

The Irishman looks down at his lap, feeling his head throb, and he purses his lips. Chase eyes him up and down and Jack feels small. His chest hurts and it feels like he’s going to burst at any moment. Perhaps this is all Anti wanted to do with him, to mess him up, and the creature is happily watching him. Fucking hell. Jack just wanted to give the man a chance and protect him. He still does. But now there’s all of… this.

 

“I do have to say… I’m relieved to see that you’re not exactly disapproving? You haven’t yelled at us yet,” Chase chuckles nervously. “But… why are you asking all of this so suddenly? Did… Did something happen?”

 

“Nothing happened.”

 

The man opens his mouth to question him but Marvin and Jackieboy Man walk into the living room, so Chase sends him a look that says _We’re not done yet._

 

He really should start seeing other people. Nothing is stopping him, he could find a nice nightclub and have some fun. Something to get his mind away from everything that’s happened. With that thought in mind, he leaves the living room to find something nice to wear and go out in the night.

 

Jack puts on his best pair of skinny jeans and a white tank-top. He ruffles his hair and applies a little bit of eyeliner before leaving his room. Everyone turns their head at Jack and the Irishman tries not to flush too hard, murmuring something about not waiting up for him. The green-haired man feels less tense when the pounding music from the club reaches his ears after exiting the cab. Even better when he drinks at the bar, hunting for someone to play with. It doesn’t take too long for a guy to start talking to Jack and he charms his way up to him, drinking with the blond man.

 

The Irishman can’t grasp the guy’s name for shit and he doesn’t care. The blond-haired man is a bit taller than Jack and he murmurs something about climbing the guy like a tree. The green-haired man blinks and he’s being pushed into a more private hall where they start making out. The guy is a brute and Jack immediately thinks he doesn’t have much experience in shit like that. He kisses the Irishman too fast and sloppy, grabbing his hips to already grind against him.

 

Jack tries showing what he likes, guiding him gently, but the guy only gets frustrated and pushes the Irishman against the wall. The green-haired man huffs and frowns when the man starts biting down his neck. Jack’s self-conscious of the hickies under the makeup and despite the alcohol making his mind foggy, the human still manages to feel uneasy. The guy’s face is smooth, no beard that leaves skin red behind. Jack looks at the crowd in the distance, all the lights flashing over their bodies, and the smell of alcohol burns the human’s nostrils. When the blond-haired man lowers his hand to touch the Irishman between his legs, Jack grabs the man’s wrist to stop him.

 

“Stop…” he murmurs, trying to focus his vision. The Irishman wants to feel good, but this is not working the way he wants. There’s a sick sensation in his stomach. The guy scoffs and ignores him, going back to sucking on his skin and palming Jack through his jeans. The green-haired man groans. “I said _stop!_ ”

 

Jack pushes him, thoughts tangling. He blinks and, for a moment, it looks like Anti is the one in front of him. The human swears, thinking he can’t even get drunk without having the glitch in his life. “I fucking… I told you to stop but… you didn’t and now we’re in this fucked up mess.” He’s dragging out his words and the world’s swimming. “What the fuck, Anti…”

 

There’s a puzzled look on the guy’s face followed by frustration. Jack doesn’t even care to explain and just turns to leave him, but the blond-haired man gets a hold of the Irishman’s arm. Everything feels like it’s in slow motion and he half-listens to the guy complaining about teasing. Jack lets out a cry of pain when the man tightens the grip around his arm and then, the green-haired man glares. The nightclub lights turn off for a split second and Jack recognizes the static right away. He watches Anti drag the guy away from him, threatening things that the human cannot hear.

 

He does call for the creature when he sees a knife. Anti growls, but comes back after punching the guy in the face instead. Somehow, it makes Jack chuckle. He blames the alcohol. Anti’s hand touches the Irishman’s waist and the world around them shifts when the creature brings them back home. Jack’s ears are ringing with the sudden quietness and he leans against the wall of his living room. The glitch being whispers something about him being stupid, but all the human really pays attention to is how Anti is not looking at him.

 

“Y-You’re not… You’re not looking at me…” he repeats his thought, stumbling over his words. Damn, being drunk makes it hard to speak.

 

_“You’re fucking wasted. Go to bed.”_

 

Anti sounds weird, voice echoing and too deep. He turns away and Jack uses all his strength to raise his own hand and grab the man’s wrist. “You were gone. You left… You left me after that thing and it… it was… I’m so…”

 

“I g-get it, it was a m-mistake. Now _shut u-up_ ,” the creature whispers harshly, as if not wanting to wake up the others, but it sounds like a scratched record. There’s so much rage in his eyes, his whole stance screams anger. He chokes and Jack knits his eyebrows, seeing Anti flicker abruptly.

 

“Are you okay…?”

 

The creature grunts and Jack’s eyes widen when the room starts shaking, much like the night Anti was crying. The human struggles to say something coherent, cursing himself for drinking too much, and the sight of Anti losing his shape frightens him. He’s whimpering and it looks like he’s in pain. The Irishman takes a step forward but Anti shakes his head, hugging himself. The scar on his neck turns bright pink before it starts to bleed and Jack panics, sudden adrenaline running through his veins.

 

“Anti, is this one of your crises?” Jack grabs his own hair in worry when the being only howls. “I n-need you to talk to me, what do you w-want me to do?”

 

The green-haired man gasps in horror when Anti throws up blood and falls onto the floor, body convulsing like he’s having a seizure. Jack runs towards him, amidst tears, hands trembling while he tries to keep the being still. He places Anti’s head over his lap, practically screaming at him to fight whatever this is. It feels like the creature was so infuriated that he lost touch with reality. This scares Jack so much. Seeing him like this, not being able to keep himself together. What was he even doing this past two days? Was he even resting? Was he just dematerialized this whole time?

 

Jack sobs.

 

_“Henrik!”_ he screams in the middle of the night, voice cracking. “Henrik, please, come help me! Henrik!”

 

Anti’s eyes turn white and Jack pulls him closer, mumbling words to soothe him. The Irishman cries, not knowing what to do. The mix of alcohol and fear messing with him more than he wants. Jack’s vision swims when he looks up, only to see everyone running towards them. Henrik has an unreadable face and the green-haired man follows his gaze down, only to see that Anti stopped moving.

 

_“Fix him!”_ he shouts in despair. “I want him back! Bring him back right now!”

 

The doctor looks at him, somewhat alarmed at the sudden fury, but then orders him to leave. Jack tightens his grip on Anti’s body and he takes deep breaths, trying to calm down. He slowly retreats from the creature and, when Henrik asks him what happened, Jack just murmurs something about Anti being mad. Marvin touches his shoulder and takes him to his bedroom, whispering calming words and saying that Henrik will take care of Anti. The green-haired man frowns, feeling off and cold.

 

It takes him a long time to settle down. The others don’t let him go see Anti during the night and Chase tells him that they’re cleaning the blood in the living room. No one lets him leave the bedroom and Jack bites his lips, feeling somehow guilty for what happened with the being. He sighs and rolls over, burying his face in the pillows and failing to find a coherent thought until he passes out.

  


***

  


Jack wakes up with a groan and he slowly gets up from the bed to wash his face and swallow an aspirin from the medicine cabinet. The Irishman sighs and throws a clean shirt over his head. There’s a knock on his bedroom door that makes Jack’s heart jump slightly, thinking it might be Anti. He hadn’t been expecting the being to show up last night, seeing Jack in that state,and then bringing him home. He also wasn’t ready to experience the fear of losing someone in the first place. The green-haired man doesn’t remember much, but he certainly remembers his own desperate tone of voice and how hurt Anti looked. He holds back a sigh and moves to open the door.

 

“Oh,” he whispers.

 

Chase has his arms crossed over his chest and there’s a slight frown on his face. Jack’s heart does something funny when he realizes it’s not Anti, but he lets Chase come in and closes the door behind them. The boy’s eyebrow raises in wonder.

 

“Not who you were expecting?” the man asks and Jack purses his lips. “I’m really worried.”

 

“About what? Is it Anti? Is he okay?”

 

“Anti will be fine. Henrik said he wasn’t… I don’t know, it was like a short circuit or something like that. But that’s not what I’m here for… Jack, you think you’re doing a great job at hiding things, but you’re not…” Chase sighs. “Is he hurting you again?”

 

“What?” Jack knits his eyebrows.

 

“Something is happening between you and Anti. We know that, especially after last night. You sounded just like him for a second, you got possessive and angry. If he’s hurting you again, we’ll need t-”

 

“He’s not,” he mumbles. “He’s not hurting me.”

 

The image of Anti crying, glitching and bleeding everywhere comes back to Jack’s mind. It’s the creature that seems to be always hurting. Not Jack. He looks down at his feet, remembering how it felt to soothe him and how good it felt to be pressed against him. There’s a thought in Jack’s mind, that Anti could’ve been gone for good. The Irishman remembers how he kept looking away and there were no teasing quips coming from the creature regarding his drunk state. He was just… damaged. Jack swallows when he notices that Chase is looking at him with wide eyes.

 

“Oh,” he whispers and the Irishman can see in his eyes that he finally gets it.

 

“Can we please talk about this later? I wanna see him.”

 

After a moment of silence, Chase nods, but tells him that Henrik has sedated the creature. Meaning he won’t wake up any time soon. Jack’s heart falls but he sighs in relief when the man leaves without another word. Jack drags his hands over his face and leans against the door, taking deep breaths and trying to gather his mind. He does knocks on the doctor’s door after a while, wanting to see Anti. He purses his lips at the sight, the being’s neck wrapped in bandages and his pale skin almost glows.

 

Jack caresses his hair lightly and Anti doesn’t stir, fast asleep. His face is relaxed and it looks like he’s at peace. The humming coming from him is back but it’s very faint. Jack sighs, knowing that there’s nothing he can do but wait. At least Anti is actually sleeping, something he needs to do more often. Goddamnit. This creature will be the death of him and, in a way, that already came true.

 

It’s only later, in the afternoon, that Jack hears a giggle when he walks into his bedroom. The voice fills the room and the Irishman sees Anti sitting on the edge of his bed, grin back on his face.

 

“My, my!” he sing-songs. “If I knew that just jerking you off would make you feel so distraught, I’d have done it earlier!”

 

Jack holds back a scream, feeling horrified by Anti’s behavior after what happened. He stares at him for a long time, thinking how he wishes to be underneath him again but also wishes to punch the man in the face. He holds back a groan and his eyes tear-up.

 

“You’re an asshole...” Jack shakes his head, whispering every word. “I honestly don’t know what to think of you. It’s like every time I have a good thought about you, you just want to destroy it immediately...” A sob escapes his lips, all his emotions burning beneath his skin. A big part of him is relieved to have him back, while the other is disconsolate by the creature’s attitude. “There’s no point in fighting anyway, you just do what you want. I can’t believe I let myself care about you…”

 

Anti’s smile drops slowly and when Jack blinks tears away, he sees the being in front of him. The Irishman lets the creature scan his face, blue eyes wandering everywhere. He’s glitching every now and then, but he looks as stable as he gets. Jack’s heart races when the man’s breathing hits his cheeks and Anti’s playful tone is gone from his distorted voice when he speaks.

 

“I told you that no one cares, Jack,” he murmurs.

 

“Well, I fucking do. I was _so_ fucking scared of losing you.” The human knits his eyebrows and Anti hisses, eyes turning pitch black for a second. “Threaten me all you want, but you can’t control that. I’m sorry.”

 

The creature growls and shoves Jack hard against the wall, moving closer until their noses touch. The Irishman’s ribcage hurts due to his beating heart and he sees Anti’s hands hover over his face, before dropping out of frustration. Jack frowns.

 

“You’re doing what I asked, aren’t you?” he mutters. “About not touching me.” Anti’s silence is an answer by itself. Jack huffs and bites his lips, watching the creature’s eyes flicker to his mouth. “But you do want to.” The Irishman flushes, thinking that Anti could very much mock him again. But the creature only nods, tilting his head as if he wants to rest it against Jack’s neck. “Then why do you say things like that? It hurts both of us.”

 

“I… You were… You didn’t _like_ it,” Anti speaks through his teeth, struggling to let his thoughts out.

 

“Is that why you lost control? Because of how I acted after what you did to me…? Because someone else had their hands on me when you couldn’t?”

 

“I wanted to fucking kill him… You’re _mine,_ ” he hisses and Jack shudders. “If you hadn’t called my name, who the fuck knows what he was gonna do to you. You make me feel… You make me _feel_ and it makes me so mad _._ ”

 

The Irishman raises his hands to touch Anti, just like before, and his thumbs brush against his skin. The being holds his breath and he stops glitching once Jack caresses him. It hits the human like a ton of bricks when he notices that. Anti wants to feel safe, he wants to be held and be touched as much as Jack. He’s just so stubborn and hides his real emotions under so many masks. Jack sighs and pulls the man’s face some more until their mouths touch. Thoughts about how odd this must look are pushed aside and Jack knits his eyebrows, focusing on their breathing.

 

“I want you to kiss me,” he whispers and his lips brush lightly against Anti’s. Their beards scratching softly makes Jack huff and hold back a smile.

 

He’s expecting Anti to be harsh but the creature gives him a chaste kiss, almost like he’s afraid that Jack will break. The green-haired man adds some pressure and they tilt their heads to deepen the kiss. There’s a spark of electricity that runs through his body and Jack sighs into Anti’s mouth. The being’s split tongue enters his mouth and the human moans, sucking it. When Jack tugs on Anti’s hair, the creature wraps his arms around the Irishman’s waist and his fingers wander under his shirt. Jack feels goosebumps with the contact and their mouths make wet sounds with every kiss.

 

The rumbling sound coming from Anti is like a song to his ears and the Irishman grunts when he ruts their hips together. Jack breaks the kiss to take off his own shirt and Anti’s eyes beam, digging his nails over his chest and leaving red marks on white skin. The human hisses but moves to unzip the creature’s pants. Anti grabs his wrists and frowns at him, asking something without words. Jack nods after a moment and something seems to snap in Anti’s mind, because he pushes the human against the door harshly and leaves trails of love bites while removing their underwear.

 

Jack moans and locks his legs around Anti’s waist, cock brushing against his stomach. He wraps his hand around their erections and gasps while jerking them off. Anti growls and thrusts into his hand until they’re leaking precum. Jack’s thumb presses over the creature’s head and Anti moans too loud. The human shushes him with a kiss, saying they need to keep quiet. Jack pants and Anti makes him suck on his fingers, drooling when the creature starts opening him up. He tightens his legs to keep him still and he digs his fingers into Anti’s back, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

 

His fingers brush over the creature’s scar, glad that it healed again but it’s probably sore. Jack traces the line with his mouth, feeling Anti shiver. The human hugs him, content to have him in his arms again.

 

Anti’s fingers move in and out of his asshole, curving inside and scissoring the man open. Jack sobs when there’s a third finger and he groans, begging the creature to get this over with. Anti laughs but does what he’s told, adjusting himself so Jack can sink into his cock. The human bites his lips to prevent himself from whining out loud and they start thrusting after a moment. The Irishman swears while Anti fucks him, toes curling and heart racing. Their breathing becomes sharp, their skin slapping against each other. They’re chest to chest and the being has a beautiful look on his face that probably matches the human’s.

 

“O-Oh god!” Jack shouts when the man hits his sweet spot and Anti covers mouth with a hand, muffling the Irishman’s screams when his thrusts become erratic.

 

Jack feels overwhelmed and his eyes roll back, body tensing and holding onto Anti for dear life. His cock keeps brushing between them and the friction is driving him mad. The heat below his stomach tightens and Jack half sobs, half moans when he comes. The human arches his back against the door, body spasming underneath Anti and spilling semen over his belly. Anti swears, feeling Jack’s asshole clenching. The being fucks him through his orgasm, losing pace and frantically thrusting into the Irishman until he’s coming.

 

Jack shivers and moans with him. Anti’s legs give up and they fall onto the floor with a huff. The human sits on his lap, embracing the creature whilst still inside him. Anti sighs and rubs his cheek against the Irishman’s. The soft treatment is odd coming from him, but Jack welcomes it. He pecks his mouth, kissing Anti while catching their breaths. The green-haired man chuckles when Anti hugs him back, purring and biting his earlobe lightly. Jack likes him like that.

 

“So,” he murmurs. “That happened…” Anti raises his head just enough to look at him and Jack can see the sudden worry and fear in his eyes, as if the human is about to order him to leave or scream at him. Jack caresses his hair to calm him down. “Hey… it’s okay. I just… it’s a lot to process.” He shakes his head. “Promise me you’ll tell me when you’re not feeling alright. I don’t want last night to happen again… I don’t want to see you that way. It scares me.”

 

Anti brushes strands of hair away from Jack’s forehead and he nods, leaning in for a soft kiss. The creature is so calm after sex that is almost funny. When the human’s stomach growls in hunger, the green-haired man gets up on wobbly legs and Anti holds him before he falls. Jack blushes deeply, feeling cum drying on his skin, and he murmurs something about showering first. The creature joins him and it doesn’t feel odd to have him there, cleaning each other and stealing kisses every now and then under the water.

 

Jack slowly opens the door and sticks his head out, sighing in relief when there’s no one in sight. In fact, there’s no one in the house. Jack frowns, realizing they all left at one point and he didn’t hear them. Anti follows him behind, tugging on Jack’s long sweatshirt. The Irishman doesn’t know what hour it is, but he assumes that it’s past dinner time due to the dishes left from the others. Jack makes himself just a sandwich, something simple and fast, and Anti hovers next to him like a puppy.

 

“Stop,” the human giggles when Anti bumps his nose on his neck. “It tickles.”

 

“I like doing that to you.”

 

“I’ve noticed.”

 

The creature places his arms on both sides of the counter, trapping Jack. The green-haired man shudders when Anti’s split tongue licks his neck again, which apparently is the being’s favorite spot. Jack lets out soft moans and he pulls Anti to clash their mouths together, making out in the kitchen. The sound of the front door opening alarms him and Jack breaks the kiss, pushing Anti away with large eyes. The creature glitches and frowns, being caught in surprise. They turn their heads to see everyone watching them and Henrik shakes his head.

 

“You guys were being too loud, we had to leave the damn house.”

 

“Warn us next time…” Marvin looks traumatized and Jackieboy snorts.

 

Jack flushes all over and he’s about to protest when Chase interrupts him, walking closer to them. “I guess you know how I feel about Henrik now…” he huffs and looks at Anti, who’s glaring softly across the kitchen. “And I guess you’re stable again. We thought you were hurting him, you know? I’m glad that’s not the case... But if you ever do something remotely close to that, you’ll be in big trouble.”

 

“You’ll get used to it,” Henrik says from the doorframe. “Though yours is more difficult to deal with than mine…”

 

“Hey!” Jack and Chase exclaim in unison.

 

Anti crosses his arms and continues to scowl, ignoring them. Jack snorts, thinking that Henrik is not wrong at all. The green-haired man excuses himself, not being able to stay in the same room as them without turning into a red tomato, and Anti follows him once more. The Irishman raises an eyebrow at him, saying something about him being the clingy type. It makes the creature huff in annoyance and Jack chuckles, feeling light.

 

Later that night, they lie down in bed and Anti threatens to devour him with his mouth. Jack takes him from behind, making him whimper and scream into the pillow. The Irishman fucks Anti nice and slow, teasing, just like the being, and wrapping his hand around Anti’s neck. The green-haired man adores how the man pulls on the sheets, trying to hold himself up while Jack buries him into the mattress. Anti comes, making an inhuman sound, and the human rests his forehead between his shoulder blades before reaching his own orgasm.

 

When Jack removes himself and falls in bed with a huff, Anti turns to face him and the human’s heart clenches at the sight. The green-haired man wonders if he looks like that too. Glassy eyes, mussed hair and pinkish lips from too much kissing. Jack tells himself that everything will be okay. He needs to calm his heart in moments like these, otherwise he’ll just panic and ruin this thing they have. Whatever this thing is.

 

The green-haired man caresses the man’s cheek, awed by delicate skin. _You don’t believe I’m real?_ He remembers Anti asking the other day and Jack was so puzzled. In a way, he’ll always be. But the creature sounded so frustrated, infuriated that people ignored him. Jack thinks he must feel lonely and all his rage comes from that.

 

“I’m glad you’re real…” the Irishman whispers. “Despite everything you’ve done, I’m happy you’re here. I hope you never forget that...”

 

Anti’s face scrunches like he’s going to cry but he swallows, composing himself. Jack pulls him close for a hug and the creature rests his head underneath the shadow of the Irishman’s chin. They sigh, chests moving up and down, and he plays with Anti’s hair. Jack blinks deliberately, finding comfort with the other man.

 

There’s a sense of peace in his mind that will hopefully grow with time, and the soft humming coming from the being soothes them into a deep sleep.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/marvelsoo/playlist/02R9IwR338m2qvgRAlkTvn) about Anti and it has some bittersweet feelings there. Hope you like it and thanks for reading this! ♥  
> 


End file.
